Is it possible that I'm cuter than I think I am?

One of the reasons that I'm not harboring a grudge against Starbucks for laying me off is the fact that they gave me an opportunity of a lifetime, and I was smart enough to grab onto it. A year ago, I was still very unhealthy. Even though I had taken care of my Sleep Apnea with a series of surgeries (which is a story for another day), I still topped the scales at a wonderful 330 pounds. Although I like to say 150kg, because it sounds better.

I'd been trying to lose weight for a long time, I just could not summon up the willpower to make a difference. Then last year, in April, I had a conversation with my brother and sister in law during a visit. It was my first time getting to see my (at the time) 7 week old nephew, and something about the visit shocked me into the reality that I had to get my act together. This is not a forum for my observations on faith, but I try to be a faithful Catholic. And there were some messages that I recieved that I hadn't been acting as a good steward of my body. Whatever it was, me, family, friends, or faith, it doesn't matter, I had finally built up the willpower to make a change.

I received an email from Starbucks offering me a chance to participate in a health and wellness plan run by a company called Kinetix. This program offered remote coaching and support for a very simple diet and exercise program that had been limited previously to Starbucks employees at the headquarters in Seattle. I started the program in late May of 2008, and I was able to commit and make it work for me right from the start. I lost 32 pounds over the official 8 weeks of the program. To date, in about 10 months of sticking to the program, I've lost over 90 pounds, and I really do feel great. I still want to lose another 50 pounds, and get down to a weight under 200 pounds, which would put me at my high school fighting weight. Getting this opportunity was worth all the pain of job loss, after all I have started to get past the point of having my job define me. Having my health is much more important.

So even before my layoff, I have been going back to school part time, with the ultimate goal of getting my Accounting Degree and CPA. Up till now, most of my classes have been in the evenings, so I occasionally get to see some of the same students who are on my same general schedule. This week, I saw someone walking across campus who was in a class with me last Summer, and he was literally stopped in his tracks by my appearance. It is these types of situations that reinforce my general good feelings about myself, because I've seen the weight come off over time, but for him, it was like seeing a before and after picture.

Finally, to the point of my story, I live a few blocks away from my school, so I always walk to class. Now I'll usually be listening to something on my headphones, because I don't like to waste any time that could be made productive. I tease people, mostly trying to deflect my true feelings, by saying that when I was heavy (okay I really say fat, but that's funny because I still think I'm fat, even after making almost 1/3 of my body weight disappear), I was virtually invisible. People don't like to acknowledge heavy people, just like a homeless person, they look past them instead of at them. I know this, because it happened to me every day. I was the biggest person in the room, and people pretended like I didn't even exist, so you'll have to excuse me if I savor the occasions now when I do get noticed.

I also hadn't put much stock in the charisma theory either. Probably because you can only project charisma when you feel good about yourself. So how could I believe in something that I couldn't ever remember feeling? But that's the great thing about getting healthy, you actually do feel really good about yourself. I walk with my head held high, because I do feel great! And people are noticing. Nobody in particular, but I sure have been on the receiving end of a lot of hellos. And when I'm walking across campus, with headphones in my ears, and a cute girl (and I mean no disrespect by the term, it's just what I grew up saying) goes out of her way to greet me, it's a good day. And it sure seems like I'm having a lot of good days. Since I haven't had many of those over the past few years, it gives me hope that there are many more to come.

So while I've always known I'm no leading man, maybe I can be the perfectly serviceable character actor whose face you always recognize, though you just can't remember his name. I mean that guy at least gets into the film, and that's all I want to do, get into the film.

Why is the internet broken?

I am a gadget guy. I can't tell you how everything works, but I do enjoy using most everything cool. But I'm not a first adopter. I am a little gun shy. While I still use the first gen. iPhone, I wasn't one of those people who waited in line the first day to pick one up. But after I saw it in action, I did pretty much rush to the Apple store and plunk down my money.

So, about the internet. Number one. Now that I'm unemployed, I find myself with plenty of time to listen to content. So instead of buying bunches of music (although in the interest of full disclosure, I have been picking up things here and there on Amazon's MP3 store, I mean a Cars EP for $.99? Come on!), I've been downloading tons of podcasts, and using Last.fm to stream music. And for some reason it's not working! This better not be a trick to get me to pay money for 'prime access' to your servers during busy times. Chris don't play that game, I'll jump back to Pandora so fast you'll think I was never on your stupid site. I mean you're owned by CBS now (even though you still like to play like you're that cute British site with all your words with extra U's like 'favourite'), pony up some cash and upgrade your infrastructure.

Second thing is that I have a web meeting scheduled for tomorrow morning with the employment outplacement service company that my former employer provided in my oh so generous severance package. Sending me an email with instructions to test my connection 12 hours prior to the event is cutting it a little close. Especially when it's telling me that it won't work, because my browser isn't set to accept cookies. Well guess what WebEx, you don't know what the heck you're talking about. Not only is browser set to accept cookies, it has always been set that way, so there.

Now instead of just being ready at 7:40am for an 8am meeting, I'm going to need to call tech support at about 7:15am to see why they can't use a more stable product that works for the general public. Maybe they're trying to scare me off before I start? They still get their money from Starbucks either way. No, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. This time. They can't scare me off, I need this more than they need to get rid of me. I think this part of my job hunting journey is going to prove to be very challenging, but that's okay, I like a good challenge, but it shouldn't be the internet. I mean it's not like I just started using this thing yesterday, it has been around for a while, hasn't it?

The third rail

This is not a political blog. I have very specific views, I'm willing to change them if you can convince me that I'm wrong, but I'm here to tell you, that usually doesn't happen. Politics, like religion, is a dangerous subject, you are likely to lose friends over seemingly simple topics. Finally, there are enough talking heads on television, and as for bloggers, well, lets just say if you can come up with a theory, there's a group of crazies discussing it online. But I started this page just to post about my thoughts of the day, and this middle of the night rant is political, so here goes nothing.

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am a registered Republican. That being said, I am also an independent thinker, and not a candidate for public office affiliated with the Republican Party. So many of my personal beliefs run counter to what would be lumped into a vast overgeneralization of what a 'Republican' would think. My personal preferences for politicians run more towards those who stick with their convictions, rather than compromise them for political expediency. In fact, the candidate for Governor that most intrigues me right now is Gavin Newsom, who would probably be considered the most liberal of all the Democrats who have been touted as possibilities. So imagine my delight in the last election, where the two candidates fought over who was more likely to give away the farm to embrace bi-partisanship.

I do not defend people to the death, just because they have an R by their name, nor do I attack those with D's just out of a sense of partisan duties. I have plenty to complain about with all politicians from both parties. And in the end, this is not really about politics, it's about newspapers and why they are disappearing faster than a bonus check on Wall Street. The internet is a wonderful thing. When asked to name the 7 people who had the biggest impact on history up to now, the first person I thought of before doing any research was Johannes Gutenberg. The printing press started the first information revolution, by decreasing the cost of printing to the point that it was available to the masses. The internet has started a second information revolution, though we're not quite through it yet.

Newspapers and the networks used to take their news gathering seriously, no matter their beliefs, they treated their positions as a matter of public trust. Today it seems like they are more interested in making news, and pushing their beliefs over performing the watchdog function that they had been respected for. And the consumers are partly to blame, we say we don't want to see the latest celebrity train wreck, and the paparazzi are invading their privacy, all the while buying the magazine with those pictures in the Supermarket check out lane.

I don't agree with much of the policies of the new administration. But I also know that I'm in the minority currently with my opinions. But more and more people are moving away from blind acceptance and enthusiasm with the new administration, and starting to delve into what is being suggested. The continual gaffes by the President and Vice President aren't helping them either, though I would ask how in the world is President Obama making any mistakes when he's being fed information on a telepromter for every public speaking event. Why isn't anyone criticizing him for not being able to think on his feet? What's left of the print media seems to have thrown all their working capital behind the success of this administration.

Witness the editorial in today's New York Times titled, "The Rule of Law." It seems that the Times isn't satisfied with the pace of change brought by the new administration, but to me that's simply because they are shooting themselves in the foot every day with their own mistakes. The easy way to keep people from looking at the stupidity of the incumbents? Bring on the 'Truth Commission' to start holding hearings on the big bad Bushies. That ought to provide fodder for the front pages, and distract the people from what's going on today. If you are the Times' friend, and you make a mistake, they want you to forgive, forget, and move on. If you are an enemy, you are fair game for life. This thinly disguised political partisanship is bad for everyone.

I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh. But the attacks on him for his statements that he wanted Obama's policies to fail were shrouded in the veil of patriotism. No real American would want their President to fail! Except they conveniently left out the part where James Carville and other Democratic strategists were conducting a focus group on 9/11/2001, and were quoted before the Twin Towers were hit that they hoped that President Bush would fail miserably. I guess attacks are okay on a Republican President in his first year in office, just not a Democrat.

I don't like hypocrites. Which is why I don't subscribe to any newspaper anymore. I read all my news online without paying for it (I know I pay for my internet access, but I'm not paying the newspaper directly), and I don't feel bad at all. Because if the big Gray Lady is the standard that all other papers strive to achieve, it's a bunch of, well since this is a family friendly page, I'll say junk. I will finish off with a simple statement. News providers, please stick to providing me useful relevant information. If you are going to be an investigative journalist, hold everyone to the same standard, in fact, I would be more inclined to read you if you were harder on those you agreed with. And if you're going to provide an editorial position, don't let it be so extreme and partisan that you alienate the majority of your potential audience. But don't listen to me, it's not like if you don't change the way you operate you're going to go broke, right?

Is everyone really an artist?

So I'm taking an Art Appreciation class this semester, and our instructor said something interesting during our first session. We were discussing the definitions of Art and Artist. In the end, it came down to the theory that art is ingrained in all of us as humans. No matter what we are doing, we are creating something, and whatever that something is, is art.

I grew up a math geek and general science lover. I tried as hard as possible to stay away from anything and everything creative. It didn't and doesn't help that I'm color blind as well. But somehow, somewhere, I have come to decide, or maybe it should be said that I have come to realize that I am an artist, and want to create content.

Is that content as simple as chronicling my thoughts and experiences online? If you had asked me a couple of years ago, I would have laughed at even the thought of writing any more than was required of me for my job. Now I jump at the opportunity to write, and would love to find a new career where I can communicate in this fashion. Until then, I guess I'm stuck writing for myself, and I'm okay with that, I have come to understand that what I write doesn't become more important just because more people are reading it.

Thanks to some of my social network friends, I heard about the Pecha Kucha night in Fresno recently. I wasn't able to attend, as it conflicted with my school schedule, but this is the type of thing that intrigues me. I will never be able to generate the most colorful, innovative content, but my background brings something else to the table. A logical, scientific approach to page architecture and layout, and how to put the important things in the right places. The internet is the ultimate in democracy, something that works, no matter who creates it, will become popular.

I've been good at my job in the past, but I've never really loved what I've done. It's always just been a job. I'm reaching a point in my life where two different events are colliding, resulting in me pondering some interesting life changes. The first is my job situation, being laid off is in some ways, very freeing. The second is my own personal midlife crisis. I'm finally at the point where I need to feel like I'm making a difference in the world. Not a big one, but I want to feel like I'm making a contribution. So I'm going to take my time and figure it out. Any and all help is appreciated, after all, you're all artists too!